We are conditioned to believe in “no pain, no gain”. In other words, we need to work hard, sacrifice and suffer in order to have the desired result. It is a basic process of punishment and reward.
Much of our education teaches us very early on that we are a good boy/girl (when we do right) and a bad boy/girl (when we make mistakes). The interesting thing is that we learn to do the same to ourselves.
We don’t do this consciously. But because this is part of an unconscious habit, we don’t recognize it (much less have the tools for change).
The first and most important thing to understand is that we use everything as a mirror. We repeat with others (i.e.,what we perceive outside) what we do to ourselves (i.e.,what we perceive inside):
- I don’t have patience with others because I don’t have patience with myself.
- I don’t accept how people are, because I don’t accept who I am.
- I don’t like this or that about somebody, because I don’t accept this or that in myself.
I have been thinking how difficult it is for me to be patient and to be able to accomplish tasks while remaining completely in the moment. To be patient is not a virtue. It is a necessity. it is the difference between being present as you learn, versus being ahead of yourself as you worry.
The conscious decision to stop your first automatic reaction becomes paramount. Very often your first reaction came from an habitual response not a truthful and creative one.
FM Alexander (the founder of the Alexander Technique) discovered that most of us lack a conscious control of ourselves. Conscious control meaning the freedom to change our thoughts when necessary, instead of being a slave to our habitual thinking.
You can learn to have more control over yourself by changing your thinking. Here are four questions you can ask yourself to start your process:
- Am I happy with my performances?
- Am I helping myself to accomplish my tasks with joy and freedom?
- Am I using a practical strategy to accomplish my goal?
- Am I using the conditions in my mind in the most constructive way (or against myself)?
These questions will allow you to create better and conscious choices regardless of the activity or the process. It is very important to understand that all these questions here need to be asked with compassion and common sense.
You can learn to motivate yourself and become present as the rule instead of the exception.