Learning to develop strategies to better cope with emotional pain.
Any technique could help us if we decide to apply it for our everyday life.
But what we really need to understand is the kind of thinking that is habitual and misleading to ourselves, as well as the kind of thinking that very often creates frustration and emotional pain.
Lets first identify pain. I see emotional pain (of course, emotional and physical pain are very closely related) as a combination of unconscious negative habits, traumas, and a deep unconscious belief that we are not going to get what we need. We don’t find the energy or the power to motivate ourselves. Or the motivation doesn’t last long enough.
“How can I acquire more control upon my thinking?”
To become more confident we need to find the courage to deal with our reality. In other words, we need to understand our feelings and needs instead of denying them, while at the same time demystifying ideas about “courage” and “vulnerability”.
I see courage as a very simple action that comes from the heart (“Cor” in Latin means heart). It isn’t a matter of being heroic, but simply the motivation to evolve and survive. At the same time, I see “vulnerability” as a powerful mechanism that allows us to be present and alive. It isn’t a weakness.
We need strategies to change our perceptions connected with courage and vulnerability. Otherwise our habits take over.
“We can’t solve problems using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
• Albert Einstein
In my experience, people often make very restrictive and difficult strategies they cannot stick with because they don’t give themselves room to enjoy it. It is very important that you make strategies that are doable. Start small, simplify and increase the challenges as you progress. It is like you are out of shape and start exercising as if you were in shape. You don’t give yourself room for adaptation and perhaps too often give up too soon.
Here are four strategies that can help you to start transform your habits of thinking:
- Can I observe my thoughts instead of being them?
- Can I notice my tendencies and habits that create problems for me? (repetition of unmet needs)
- Can I create choice? (You always have options)
- Can I create discipline to fulfill all my needs and give more freedom? (Discipline cultivates freedom)
In my upcoming posts, I will offer tips and ideas to help you organize and work with different activities and schedules for your everyday needs.